Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize