It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Farmville is her only friend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
