dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
