remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
