Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
