Tell her she can't have a vagina
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
