Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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