And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
