i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
