ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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