TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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