My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
