i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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