got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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