He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
