The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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