My first STD was from a foam party
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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