Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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