so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
