My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you didnt know i had herpes?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize