i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
People in love make me want to vomit
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
