yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
