You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize