At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize