I skipped work to stalk him.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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