Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
