I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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