how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
