Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
