i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
