are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
