Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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