I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
