I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
