Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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