I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I smell stomach acid.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
