smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
