I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize