Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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