Whod you bang
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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