So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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