from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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