I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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