Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
