Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
