I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
