Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
