Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
