Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
