and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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