We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
