he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
