a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
