i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
