i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
its not stalking. its research.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
