his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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