Soap is not a condiment
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
