Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize