And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
