Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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