You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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