I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
