i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let's get the cat blown out
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
