Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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