I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
