bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
