i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize