Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
