And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize