Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
